When is Couples Therapy Preferable to Individual Therapy?
DR. MARY KATE ROOHAN, PSYD, RDT
I’m here to help you explore a question: “When is couples therapy preferable to individual therapy?” The quick answer? It depends! Engaging in therapy is already a deeply personal journey, so the right approach for one individual or couple may differ from that of another.
You’re probably curious about how couples therapy can help your relationship, or if individual therapy might be more appropriate. How do you decide which type of therapy suits your needs? These are essential questions, and you’re taking a wise step by doing some research.
Whether you choose individual or couples therapy, know that it will require a collaborative effort from all involved (clients AND therapists) to achieve the benefits of self-discovery, healing, and growth. Is it worth it? As a psychologist who has worked with many clients over the years, I can confidently say that therapy is worth it if you are willing to do the work.
Individual and Couples Therapy both involve an active collaboration between therapist and clients.
Critical Questions Answered by a Licensed Psychologist:
Individual Therapy or Couples Therapy?
When is individual therapy preferable to couples therapy?
When is couples therapy preferable to individual therapy?
Common questions and answers
My take on individual vs. couple therapy for you
Individual Therapy or Couples Therapy?
Let’s look at the appropriate circumstances for each.
Think of individual therapy as time just for you - it's about your thoughts, feelings, and the things going on in your life. It’s a focused time for personal exploration. Individual therapy aims to understand yourself better and find ways to feel more free and better deal with life’s challenges.
People choose the individual approach when looking for a non-judgmental, compassionate person to talk to in a one-on-one setting. For some, it’s learning to process feelings, deal with confusion, or learn tools for emotional resilience. Your therapist offers a space for you to do that, serving as your guide on this journey.
Individual therapy is appropriate for:
Developing coping skills: Individual therapy focuses on you and your journey. Along that journey, your therapist will equip you with practical coping skills to help you navigate your path. As a DBT therapist, I teach clients skills to manage their emotions and improve their relationships.
Dealing with anxiety: Anxiety management is most effective when your therapist understands your unique needs and challenges. Understanding what makes you you allows for a tailored approach, which boosts the power of the coping skills and techniques you learn and use.
Managing and overcoming depression: Individual therapy supports your exploration of your mental health in a non-judgmental and compassionate environment. It’s beneficial for those of us going through depression. Some forms of therapy, such as drama therapy, can be particularly effective in treating depression. When we are experiencing a depressive episode, we typically feel disconnected from ourselves and others. Creative approaches like drama therapy encourage connection.
Profound self-discovery: Individual therapy can be a profound, transformative experience. Therapy requires us to turn inward, and when we are willing to sit with all the parts of ourselves, incredible change can happen.
Dealing with trauma and grief: One-to-one sessions are often used for individuals seeking support in processing traumatic experiences, dealing with grief and loss, or trying to understand the nature of a set of symptoms. Modalities such as EMDR and brainspotting are frequently used within individual therapy sessions to help folks heal from trauma.
When is couples therapy preferable over individual therapy?
There is certainly a time and a place for couples therapy. In America, almost half of married couples in America have attended counseling together, and nearly 1 in 4 Americans attended couples sessions before marriage.
‘Even for those less at risk for divorce, many couple relationships experience periods of significant turmoil.’ - Family Process
Does couples therapy work? It can! Before you start couples therapy, you and your partner need to determine what “working” looks like. Are you hoping to make a big decision together? Improve your communication? Or come to terms with your relationship ending?
Couple therapy focuses on teamwork - you and your partner come to sessions together to approach issues that you have determined you would like to work on. There are numerous approaches to couples therapy work, including Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Cognitive Behavioral Couples Therapy (CBCT), Imago Relationship Therapy, Integrative Behavioral Couples Therapy (IBCT), and The Gottman Method. Generally speaking, the therapist generates a space to explore issues, improve communication, and solve problems.
It is common for couples to come to therapy when their relationship dynamics have fallen out of balance. There may be communication breakdowns, differences in parenting values, ongoing stressors, infidelity, or a sense of disconnection. Couples therapy serves as a roadmap to help couples get to where they want to be.
Couple therapy is appropriate for:
Improved communication: Communication issues are a leading cause of relationship breakdown, so taking the time to work on these skills pays off.
Tailored relationship support: By getting to know each of you and how your relationship has been going, your therapist will customize tools and techniques to help you nourish the quality of your relationship.
Safe space: Couples come to therapy together to experience a judgment-free environment where both partners can feel free to express themselves openly and honestly.
Bonding: Going to therapy together is an adventure, to say the least! Venturing on this journey together is an experience unlike any other and has the power to strengthen the bond between partners significantly
Conflict resolution: Relationship conflict is natural and does not necessarily mean that the relationship is not working; however, addressing patterns of conflict can allow a couple to feel more connected.
Big life transitions: Individuals and couples go through big life changes and challenges from time to time. Couples therapy can help to navigate this process.
Rediscovering intimacy: Therapy aids couples in rediscovering and expanding upon healthy forms of intimacy, fostering a renewed sense of closeness and connection.
Intimacy isn’t just for new couples. Couples therapy can renew intimacy in couples that have been together for decades.
Examples: When is couples therapy preferable over individual therapy?
You want to know, ‘When is couple therapy preferable over individual therapy?’ To help you make a more informed choice, I will share some examples of issues that I commonly see with clients in my work as a Psychologist. I hope that these examples will provide you with more information about what therapy will work best for you.
“My partner and I don’t seem to talk anymore. When we do talk, it feels forced or uncomfortable.”
Potential Issue: Communication breakdown
Therapy Approach: Couples
“I often feel overwhelmed or stressed out.”
Potential Issue: A need for effective and healthy coping strategies for anxiety and stress management
Therapy Approach: Individual
(Note: Your relationship could be leading to feelings of being overwhelmed and stressed. Once you have developed coping strategies, you may benefit from participating in couples therapy to learn how to apply these skills to your relationship.)
“Who am I, and where is my confidence?
Potential Issue: Self-esteem struggles, identity concerns
Therapy Approach: Individual
“I’m experiencing upsetting memories or dealing poorly with loss, what is going on?
Potential Issue: Trauma or Grief
Therapy Approach: Individual
(Note: Your trauma responses likely have an impact on your partner. After participating in trauma-informed care, such as EMDR, you may benefit from couples therapy to process the impact that the adverse life experiences have had on your relationship.)
“I’m sad pretty much all the time. It’s getting in the way of many aspects of my life.”
Potential Issue: Persistent sadness, Depression
Therapy Approach: Individual
“My partner and I used to be close but these days something is different. We’re not as intimate as we used to be.”
Potential Issue: Intimacy issues in the relationship
Therapy Approach: Couples
“We’re both going through a lot right now. What are we going to do about the future?”
Potential Issue: Life Changes and Relationship Uncertainty
Therapy: Individual, Couple
Deciding to reach out for therapy can be daunting, but it’s a powerful toward healthy, fulfilling relationships.
My take on the question: ‘When is couple therapy preferable over individual therapy?’
Professionally and personally, I would suggest individual therapy as a wise move in general. Even if you decide that couple therapy is what you’re looking for, the individual approach lays a strong foundation for successful couple therapy. The self-discovery, strength, and resilience developed in one-to-one sessions apply well to the dynamic of a couples session.
When you focus first on yourself, your unique experience, your thoughts and feelings, you’re better equipped to bring your understanding into couple therapy. The result? Better communication and the best resource for sharing and understanding - self-knowledge.
In essence, embracing individual therapy first helps us appreciate the value and power of self-discovery. It enriches couple therapy by equipping the team with the tools needed to achieve relationship harmony.
Want to learn more about which therapy suits you? Get in touch!
I’m Mary Kate, a licensed psychologist and therapist based in California. My client base is diverse, so I’m aware of the importance of a tailored approach to therapy. I find this especially true for the more emotionally sensitive among us, who I’ve seen benefit greatly from the deep listening and compassionate support that it’s my joy to offer.
I’m dedicated to helping you thrive through engaging and deeply healing, evidence-based techniques. If you are interested in more mental health resources, sign up for my free guide “How to be the boss of your feelings” on my website.
